Ah Crazymakers!
It truly is a shame that I am not paid for the number of crazymakers I attract; I would surely be a millionaire by now! Attracting crazymakers is just one of my under appreciated and unpaid abilities. I also hold world records for self-doubt and feeling sorry for myself, but I digress.
In Recovering a Sense of Identity, I am rudely reminded that there may be a slight possibility that I am the one inviting the crazymakers into my life. Could it possibly be that I have become so desperately artistically blocked that encouraging these frenzied whirling vortexes in my life has become a viable alternative to creating?
This is just twisted!
What is it about creating that scares me so much?
There are many answers to this question and none of them easy or short. However, as I start my creative recovery and begin to inspect my own creative habits (or lack there of) I discover one astonishing fact. I have found it easier to “fix” other people’s problems than it is to “fix” my own. Afraid of being labeled selfish, narcissistic and self absorbed, I assemble the crazymakers to sooth my greedy ego and elevate my personal status to self-sacrificing sainthood by solving their problems. I appease my creative guilt by being the virtuous untrained under qualified shrink.
This is my official notice-
I am giving up my chance for post mortem selfless saintly beatification and am picking up vibrant colors in search on my marvelous dynamic creative life. Is it possible I could serve others (and myself) best by being a little selfish and tapping into my own resourceful and unlimited creative power to become a creative role model?
2 comments:
Too true, Cheryl. I think that as a creative, when we are blocked we feel the need to fix others so we can avoid our own issue.
Sometimes....I really hate to look at the truth. But it must be done to move forward. Woo-Hoo! Moving forward is a wonderful thing!
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